There are moments of the day where I think to myself, “Oh my word, it’s only 11 am, or ahhh, it’s only 2 pm. How in the world am I going to remain sane until you go down for bed!!!! I am a working mom, but I work part time which means there are many days, it’s just me and my babe. All day. I feel very grateful for the time we have together and the opportunity to work part time. To be brutally honest, I would love nothing more than to be a stay at home mom, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s up to me to keep her fed, clean, entertained, and well, let’s be honest, I’m all I’ve got to provide the same things for myself. Most of the time, she is much cleaner and more well fed than I.
She is 18 months old, and VERY strong willed. I fully acknowledge she got that from me, and I am doing my best as her mommy to make that a character asset of hers… With that being said, she tests my patience, A LOT. I am committed to gentle parenting, no raising voices, guidance vs. punishment, and lots of positive reinforcement. This is tricky, even for this gal who was told she would never have her own child. By a miracle of God, my husband and I conceived our beautiful, wonderful, and again, strong willed child.
There are lots and lots of times each day, I have an idea of what I want her to do. There are many times when that is just flat out not going to happen. As her personality develops, she and I can have a battle of wills, that well, I’m not sure what to compare it to, let’s just say it can be intense. I have to realize she is her own person, who is developing wants of her own. There is a middle ground that we find after some struggle each, and every day. It’s not about her getting everything she wants, and it is not about me dragging her along with me, accomplishing all I “think” needs to get done that day. There are days when I cannot wait for her daddy to get home, just to have someone else to play with her, bathe her, feed her. There are days I cannot wait to go to work.
At the end of the day, like today for instance, I was bathing her. We threw all seriousness and all rules out the window. We played, we splashed, we laughed for as long as she wanted. It was amazing. It made all of those moments of struggle throughout the day totally unimportant. I laid her in her princess bed, as she calls it. She cuddled her Dumbo and I nursed her to sleep. So so cute. I can hardly take it when she looks at me and says, “mommy, milk. Princess bed.” It’s too much for my heart to handle. The amount of love I have for that little girl is astounding.. As we lay there, I took it all in, as I try to every night. Her smell, the way she feels breathing in my arms, is incredible. Unlike anything I’ve ever known. Being her mommy is addicting. It’s the most important thing I’ve ever been. My heart is full as I write this tonight. I’m sitting down with my husband for dinner, we will share about our day, we will most likely quote our daughter and laugh and smile about how amazing she is and how blessed we are.
Wow, today was trying. I started this blog with the intention of maintaining a “tell it like it is”, type format. Well, here it is.
We just returned from a 6 day trip. We flew for the first time with our 18 month old, and stayed with family. It was awesome but exhausting. Our toddler had 6 full days of stimulation and excitement. Her cousins, (5 boys) age range 8-30, adore her and hang on her every word and every move. It’s adorable and tons of fun. Our first evening back, last night, was hard. She kept asking for them, and for her aunts, uncles and granny. There is no way to explain to her why they are not here. Her emotions have been all over the place.
She woke up today asking for them again. We went through all of the let down all over again. The let down turns to frustration and the frustration stems from sadness and overstimulation. I believe anyway. I wouldn’t have changed anything about our trip to avoid this. This all causes her to grow and the bond with our family is stronger now, for which I’m grateful.
From an attachment parenting standpoint, I believe I have quite a bit to share about working through these behaviors. It’s tricky but I know in my heart, my husband and I are creating a secure human being, by responding to her needs. Instead of punishing her for “bad behavior”, we took a step back to assess the situation today as she was having outbursts and crying fits. We realized we needed to scrap our agenda for the day and provide the comfort she needed. I was frustrated with how much she wanted to nurse, we were frustrated by how much crying and objection we got from absolutely everything we wanted her to do, including sitting down for lunch. There is nothing to punish her for, there are emotions under there that need to be cared for. It’s up to us, her parents, to recognize these emotions and help her work through them. I will tell you that once we (me and hubs) surrendered our agenda for the greater good of the family, we were all happier. We regrouped, played, nursed and heaven forbid, watched an episode of our daughters favorite TV show. There were no more crying fits, well, less crying fits. We made it to the store less frustrated and we even had a good time.
Instead of letting my toddler explore while holding on to our finger, we opted for baby wearing today, where she was free to nurse and of course snuggle.
Today has been hard, but overall a success. I may feel totally whooped by the time she crashes for the night, but I feel good about the time I’ve spent invested in my baby. Invested in her as a little person, erratic emotions and all. I feel accomplished and most importantly, I never resorted to punishing her for learning.
Right before dinner, we even got to FaceTime with all of her cousins and aunts and uncles that she’s missing so much. All in all, a good day. Trying, but good.
How do you handle your toddlers emotions? Do you believe that it’s your responsibility to help them through their feelings?
Mommy Got Her Groove Back 