She did it. Two days shy of her second birthday, she slept through the night. My breastfeeding, bed sharing, securely attached, yet very independent girl, slept through the night. 9 full hours and it was glorious. I type this as she’s nursing back to sleep for another stint of sleep. I, however, may very well be too excited and proud to sleep.
They said she’d never sleep on her own if I didn’t night wean. “Let her cry it out!” they said. “She’ll never learn to self soothe”, they said. Excuse my language, but bullshit! All of it.
From the very beginning of my daughter’s life I knew my husband and I would never let her cry it out. I knew we would guide her gently through every milestone, sleep included. See, we believe sleeping through the night is a milestone. In our eyes, guiding her into healthy sleep patterns by soothing her when she needs it, is no different to us than holding her hand as she’s taking those first steps.
She is very independent in many ways. She loves to dress herself, has been very adamant about feeding herself from very early on, plays very well and entertains herself beautifully. Her imagination is astounding. She talks so incredibly well for her age, but for whatever reason, she needs us for sleep, and even though some nights we are so exhausted we question our methods, we’ve been here for her every moment of every night.
Right now, in this moment, I feel so extremely proud of the fact that we’ve never let her cry, we’ve not forced anything on her that she’s not ready for. When she was 5 months old, we briefly tried transitioning her to her crib in her room and it wasn’t right. We were forcing something that wasn’t us. There was nothing easy about it. She never transitioned. She would sleep about an hour at a time, IF she let you lay her down at all. We accepted what was right for us and let go of all of the unnecessary advice we’d been given. We decided to follow our instincts and life began for us as 3 from there.
Lately I’d been contemplating night weaning. Questioning my methods again. I decided at about 3-4 months old, she would self wean. There are times when she’s growing, teething, etc. that she nurses more often and I wonder if I’m making the right choice. Lately, she’s been so excited roaming the park, trying all kinds of new things, she hardly ever snuggles in for “mommy milk”. The glorious 9 hour stretch of sleep that happened last night lets me know we’re not far from weaning and she’s guided the whole thing. In my heart, I know we’re nearing the end of our nursing relationship and I’m so proud. I’m proud of her for growing into the beautiful, independent, strong, sweet, loving girl that I love with every ounce of me. I’m proud that I never listened to you who told me “are you going to nurse her in her dorm room?” I’m so proud my husband and I never let her cry it out. That we knew deep down, one day she would sleep through the night. In her own time.
So, thank you for your advice, but think I’ll keep listening to my instincts, because there is no prouder feeling than knowing what I’m doing for my family is the right thing for my family. She many not sleep through the night again for weeks or months, I have no idea, but I need no more affirmation of our choices, than the 9 hours I got last night.
Guest post written by Sierra West:
Dear Family and Friends,
Please read this knowing that I love the love you have for my child. That I understand why you want to keep her overnight, and that my heart swells seeing you with her. Yes, I know she loves your silly faces Mamaw, and I know she giggles when her aunts bounce her. I am aware that you’ve raised children and “they all turned out fine”. Please know that just because I do things differently, doesn’t mean I am in any way judging your parenting or insinuating that you did it wrong. But, there are just so many things I can’t show and tell you and until she has her voice to advocate for her, all she has is me.
I can’t explain to you how, even if she’s smiling, when her eyebrows start to turn red she’s getting upset.
I can’t leave instructions to show the difference in the way she chews her hands when she’s hungry, but sucks on them when she’s self soothing.
There’s no way for me to demonstrate the different ways she moves at night. One indicating she isn’t comfortable, while the other shows she is ready to eat.
I can’t describe to you the feeling of the tiniest little prickles of sweat I feel when I kiss her head that let me know she’s too warm.
I know your home is safe, but I can’t recreate the environment that she’s become accustomed to sleeping in. The dimness of the lights and the specific position she finds on my chest while clutching my shirt when she’s ready to drift into sleep.
Please know that I’m not being selfish, or overbearing, or a helicopter mom. Yes, I do have an older child who enjoys sleepovers, but he can use his words and express to you if he just needs his mommy and is ready to come home. I know in the not so distant future, she will run for you and beg to spend the night. And, I will let her. I understand you’re just trying to help and give me a break. I appreciate that more than you know, and one day I will welcome it when her pigtails are bouncing through your house in excitement of making a tent and eating too much sugar. But, for now, she needs to hear my soft snoring to sleep, just the way she did in the womb. She needs to smell the scent of my skin that she finds so comforting. She needs to hear the familiar sound of my voice when she wakes abruptly. She needs ME. She is my baby, and I am her whole world.
Sierra West lives in Tennessee with her husband and 2 children.
“What started as curiosity of a parenting style I wasn’t familiar with turned into a passion. Breastfeeding, babywearing, and bedsharing took my world by storm and, at times, made me wonder how I survived my first child without the knowledge I have now. I also could’ve saved myself a lot of heartache after my first if I’d just known a wrap can hide even the most unsightly love handles.” 
Mommy Got Her Groove Back 